


(not quite) certain of your love

by losangelou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Harry also tops, Harry hates Maroon 5, Homophobia, Liam is Louis' rock, Louis and Harry are oblivious, Louis bottoms, Louis loves Maroon 5, M/M, Mentions of Rape (very very brief), Mentions of abuse (if you squeeze your eyes), More like accused rape?, Slurs, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 16:45:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/725549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losangelou/pseuds/losangelou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hi, I'm Louis Tomlinson. And you are...?” Louis sticks his hand out, clearly catching Harry off guard.</p><p>“Harry Styles. Pleased t'meet you.”</p><p>(An HS AU taking place in Denver, CO)</p>
            </blockquote>





	(not quite) certain of your love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Liana (lrrystylnsn on tumblr) for her birthday! This is based off of the roleplaying we do. I love you so much and I really hope you like this, angel.
> 
> Louis and Harry both have sisters, but Harry's isn't mentioned. Everyone is a senior in high school and it takes place in Denver, CO.
> 
> This is basically a big AU and it was fun to write because I pretty much already wrote all of this with Liana, but I added my own twist and I added some Liam/Louis stuff because I can't help it.
> 
> Basically, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the ideas in here that Liana came up with. I don't own One Direction, I'm not associated with them, etc. I just like to imagine Louis and Harry having butt sex.
> 
>  
> 
> Tumblr: ofyourspines, harrehtomlinzon
> 
> Twitter: alreadytorn_x

The first time Louis sees Harry, he's pretty sure that he forgets how to breathe (or use any of his other body parts, because he nearly runs into some younger girl's locker door). All he can make out are a few key words, but damn, it's enough to make a tidal wave crash in his stomach.

 

“If I _ever_ hear you call someone a fag again, I am going to personally find you and beat the shit right out of you, alright?” The way his curls hang in front of his face and his teeth are out, his face nearly scrunched up in a snarl, Louis thinks maybe Harry is the most amazing person in the world.

 

It turns out that's not the only time that thought will cross his mind.

 

*****

 

The next time is when he sees a video of Harry getting into a fight floating across Facebook. He looks out of curiosity, naturally, because he sees a mop of curls in the thumbnail and, okay, how can he ignore curls that are that voluminous? (He can't, that's the answer.) He clicks on it and takes a sip of his tea while he waits for it to buffer.

 

When it's done, Louis gets to see Harry fighting off that guy that he'd mouthed off to a few months back. He feels like he's gonna fall apart at the seems, because _why hasn't he ever met this boy?_

 

*****

 

The next _next_ time is the best time. (Louis still can't forget any of them, but this is the most vivid in his mind when he looks back years and years later.)

 

It's the next school year, their last one. He wants to make his senior year his best year and he's doing fine; he'd been hoping to see that pretty boy with curls all day, but he had no such luck. Louis never had good luck, so when he wanders into the cafeteria he is stunned to find that his study hall is filled with mostly juniors and sophomores, however, he does find them. The curls he'd thought about since he'd seen them bobbing up and down as he spat words in Tom's face, the curls he'd seen in his eyes for days after he closed them when Harry'd beat the shit out of Tom in that video; the boy was right in front of him and he had no idea what to do with himself. Could this be a dream?

 

Now, Louis had never – and has never – been the type of guy to be shy about anything. Louis is loud and dramatic and he's annoying. He's the class clown and he's aware of it. He knows how to make people laugh and he lives for it, _loves_ it, more than any other thing in the world. Louis finds his Toms leading him right to the circular table Harry is sitting at and plops his things right down with no warning.

 

“Hi, I'm Louis Tomlinson. And you are...?” Louis sticks his hand out, clearly catching Harry off guard because he nearly drops his phone in the process and has to scramble to grab it mid-air. He finds himself giggling at how he makes Harry lose his cool for a split second, but suddenly the wind is knocked right out of him because green eyes are staring at his intensely and Harry's biting that damn bottom lip of his and taking his hand.

 

“Harry Styles. Pleased t'meet you.”

 

(This is it, that moment that Harry argues is the start when Louis begins to tell people about that day in the hallway. Quite frankly, it doesn't even matter to either of them, but it's one of those things they argue about because they're ridiculously immature and they're in love and it doesn't matter.)

 

*****

 

After about 5 weeks of obvious staring and stolen caresses in the lunchroom, Louis gets up the nerve to make a move. (Kind of; he's shit at all of this, really.) He brushes his fingers over the inside of Harry's forearm as he's reading over a Sports Illustrated article about the Packers. (“Why do you care about them? They look like disgusting tropical fish...” “I have their logo on my arm. I'd feel like a huge ass if I didn't at least keep up with their statistics, Lou.”)

 

“You should let me draw on you,” Louis finds himself saying. Harry looks up abruptly and his hands go all pliant and the magazine falls the 3 or 4 inches to the table. It also looks like Harry is swallowing a huge lump in his throat – either that or he's going to lose his lunch.

 

He clears his throat before getting out an answer, “Yes.” It comes out all raspy and low and Louis is fairly certain he's about to die.

 

The corners of both of their lips go up at the same time as Louis sits on the edge of his chair, annoyed by the fact that Harry had chosen one of the tables with the little stools connected because he can't get close enough to Harry in them. “What do you want?” He reaches over to the arm farthest from him, both arms over Harry. Harry gives up and leans against the (fake) brick wall behind him, closing his eyes. Louis has a Sharpie in one hand while his left hand holds up the sleeve, crossed right over Harry's shoulders and neck. (Louis wonders, later on, how Harry could stand nearly being choked like that, but he insists that smelling Louis' cologne as he leaned in to get a better look at his arm was well worth it.)

 

He starts with a simple dot just to try it out, somewhere above the Packers' logo. He bites at his lip and then puts a small line under the dot. He suddenly knows what to write, three simple lines on the left of it.

 

_Hi._

 

*****

 

Louis finds himself kissing at Harry's neck and nipping at the skin as they're laying on Louis' bed a few weeks after. (Three, exactly, Louis remembers.) The nips and nibbles to Harry's sweaty, soft skin are cut short, because Harry whispers, “Lou, Lou, stop.” Louis pulls away, moving his legs to straddle Harry's thighs.

 

“What's the matter?” He reaches his hand up and strokes through Harry's hair, earning an affectionate head-butt from the younger boy of just three months. The content smile on his face wears away and he looks up at Louis with an intense look, however, as if to say what he's going to begin speaking about won't make Louis feel any better.

 

“My dad's a bit of...a homophobe and I can't let him see,” Harry's looking up at him with pleading eyes now, as wide as saucers but as sweet as a sleeping kitten. Louis gives in, for one of the first times, and nods his head.

 

“Alright, I won't leave marks. Trust me, I won't.”

 

He leans down and captures Harry's skin with his lips, lapping at the skin there lightly with his slick tongue, but the moan he receives in response and the fingers prodding into his hipbones don't make him feel as good as they did before.

 

*****

 

He doesn't tell Liam about what happened the week after what they'd labeled as _the incident,_ instead opting to keep it to himself. It's embarrassing that he's dating the soccer team's biggest star two years after the team and said star doesn't want anyone to know they're together.

 

What's more embarrassing is that his stupid little blonde friend is always sitting in Harry's lap, her arms around his neck like she's some kind of fucking drape. Louis doesn't complain about it, but Liam and Zayn (and food-obsessed Niall, for that matter) are not idiots. They see the stares when the five of them eat (their groups melded together since Liam took chemistry with Harry and Zayn and they'd kind of stumbled into the seating arrangement the second week of school) and they even take notice of the sad hue Louis' eyes take on when Harry's asshole friends from the soccer team (discarding Zayn) ask him to sit with them.

 

They all know how it works rather early on.

 

Harry will give this equally sad look back to them and Louis will look away like he's on fire (his eyes might as well be, because they're burning like fucking bitches) and gather up his things as well. He'll turn to Liam, ask him to go to the computer lab down the hall, and Liam will agree like the best friend he is as Harry turns and goes to the table of douchebag royalty a few meters away, leaving Niall and Zayn to speak about how idiotic Harry and Louis are.

 

*****

 

Liam and Louis have always been close, to the point where they kissed at age 13 and no one could stop them because they were learning about everything right then. If they'd even imagined what life could be like for them in college or past that, as husbands, then they don't talk about it.

 

Just because it's unspoken doesn't mean that Harry doesn't notice because, oh _boy,_ does he notice. He notices because it makes his bones and his heart and his head all ache with such an intensity, sometimes it makes him nauseous because Louis is _his._ Louis needs to be his; forever, always, end of story. It's not going to be easy to make it happen, but he wants it.

 

*****

 

They wait about a month and a half, on a dreary and rainy Friday night after Harry's soccer practice to take things further.

 

They make out and it turns into grinding and soon, they're both naked and Harry's jerking them off with his big, pretty hands and Louis is coming harder than he ever has before.

 

It's not the last time that will happen, many times follow, but it's the first really sexual thing they do and it's special and Louis wants to keep it engrained in his memory until the day he dies because it just feels _right_.

 

(The next morning, things are a bit awkward because Louis has to rush Harry out before his mom comes home, but Harry is a gentleman and makes breakfast and Louis nearly dies. He's sad because he didn't leave marks, didn't batter and bruise Harry like punishment for Harry being some kind of awful demon, and Harry can tell and he feels awful. Louis goes upstairs and brings him a little paper airplane necklace that his grandpa gave him before he died. He doesn't tell Harry the reasoning behind it or anything, but Harry keeps it on. The next Monday at lunch when it's swinging in front of Harry's chest as he sits down, Niall chokes on his fries and Liam does a spit-take of his water because they know and even Zayn is wide-eyed after Niall explains to him in whispers. Harry doesn't find out then, at least not yet.)

 

*****

 

Even though Louis doesn't call her by her name, Jennifer makes it pretty obvious that she's more than just the girl that sits in Harry's lap all the time. He sees them kissing in the morning before his first hour class and his insides turn into mush (but not in that bittersweet Harry-induced way).

 

He ends up shooting Harry a text because Harry is his _boyfriend_ so why is he kissing some girl?

 

_So, are you just going to be making out with Jennifer all the time now, or....?_

 

It only takes a minute before he gets a reply. That minute, however, is one of the longest minutes of his whole life.

 

_**It was just a kiss, Lou. Don't worry about it. Gotta keep this undercover. Can't let my dad find out. Don't worry.** _

 

There's a stupid little kissy face Emoji stuck to the end and Louis tries to be mad at Harry, he really does, because Harry deserves it, but he can't.

 

Instead, he just decides that he hates blonde girls with long model-like legs and _vaginas_ because they ultimately do more harm than good in the world.

 

*****

 

They fight on occasion, little tiffs that end with Harry's lips on Louis' neck or Louis' on Harry's abs. Louis wishes it weren't this way, but he also knows that unless Harry's dad stops being a total douchebag, there's no chance that it will.

 

*****

 

Louis finds out when he's on his way to his stupid math class that Harry got into a fight with Tom. This time, however, Harry's at the local police station.

 

He texts Niall, Liam, and Zayn and they all drive there fast in Louis' beat up old hand-me-down from his older sister. He manages to sneak past the other boys and the cops to get to Harry's cell, letting out a sigh when he comes in front of the bars.

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Harry?” He bites at his lip and crosses his arms over his chest tightly, wanting Harry to know that he is _not_ pleased. “Are you an idiot?!”

 

The look Harry gives him tells him that, no, he is not an idiot and maybe Louis is one for once. “No, I am not an idiot! Tom pissed me off so I clocked him, Lou. I'm not a fucking idiot.” The look on his face tells Louis that he should drop this, but he can't help it.

 

“Why did you-”

 

“It doesn't matter, Louis. He was being an ass and he was talking badly about you, okay? He said something awful and I wanted to teach him a lesson,” Harry's tone is so matter-of-fact that Louis almost feels his pants get tighter. _Almost._ Harry did yell at him, after all. He does nod slowly though.

 

“So, will I see you tomorrow?” he asks quietly and steps a bit closer, glancing over to see that the boys are distracting the cops perfectly well, bless their hearts.

 

Harry lets out a sigh and nods, “Yeah. I'll have to come over or you can come over when my dad's at work. I got suspended.” Louis reaches through the bars just then and touches his hand gently, brushing his fingers over the back of his hand and his knuckles. “At least it was just that, though. Can I see you tomorrow?”

 

The thing is he looks so hopeful and Louis is just glad he didn't get expelled, so even though they fight on occasion and Louis feels sick to his stomach when he thinks about their future together when he's all alone, he nods his head and leans forward quickly to peck his lips. He pulls away and his blood feels like it's rushing through his body on overload because Harry is kinda _smiling_ at him.

 

*****

 

They spend the next few days together and all is well for the most part. That is, until the day Harry gets back to school.

 

They're talking in the hallway and it seems fine and Louis has been on a high all week because Harry has been doing stuff with him, like kissing him a few seconds longer and he put his hand on his back when they all hung out the other day even though the others “don't know” they're together. (Harry told Zayn almost right away and Liam had been the one telling Louis how cool Harry was for such a long time, and Niall isn't an idiot even though he may seem like it to some.)

 

So, it's safe to say that Louis thinks this could be _it,_ like Harry's ready to come out and they're going to end up singing some sappy love song to each other as they ride off in Harry's sports car with _Just Married!_ written on the back window. The problem is, Louis isn't lucky and Harry (still) isn't an idiot.

 

Louis says, “I'll see you after Pre-Calc,” and before Harry knows what's going on, Louis' got his arms around his neck and is giving him a gentle, intoxicating hug. Unfortunately, Harry knew it couldn't last. He knew that this could _not_ happen. His dad was a congressman; he was a huge influence in the community and a republican. There was no way in hell his dad could find out or he'd be beaten to a pulp. He pulls away from Louis as fast as possible, letting go of him and standing a few feet away.

 

“Uh, okay, Louis. Bye,” Harry keeps the mumble quiet and turns on his heel to go down the steps a few feet away, leaving Louis all alone to walk to his Pre-Calc class. (If he shows up five minutes late, he blames it on the janitor who was sweeping up a half-eaten breakfast burrito.)

 

*****

Harry starts to avoid Louis, in a roundabout sort of way. He'll talk with him in the hall and just say good-bye, address him with his full first name, then walk to his class as if Louis is the partner he got stuck with for that History project.

 

Louis gets the point. He spends more time with Liam, going to his place after school. He sees the look of disappointment every day on Harry's face when he tells him his plans. He also notices the way Harry frowns when he goes to sit with the drama geeks instead of at their little table near the corner, but he can _not_ go sit with Harry. Harry's bound to break his heart and he doesn't even realize what he's doing, anyway.

 

“I just don't understand why I'm not enough,” Louis mutters to himself, “Did I, like, fuck up by hugging him? Really?” He looks up at Liam with sparkly blue eyes and Liam sighs and pats his hair.

 

“Louis, you didn't, but people see you as 'the gay boy' and like you said, Harry has reasons why he can't let people see him as gay. It's obviously the dumbest thing I've ever heard, but to Harry it makes sense. That's what teenagers do, Lou, they stereotype and they call people names.” Liam lets Louis curl up into his chest and cry.

 

Louis falls asleep a few minutes later, worn out from nearly a week of barely speaking to Harry. Liam wishes he could fall asleep, but all he can think to himself is that he hopes Louis doesn't fall to pieces.

 

*****

 

Things slowly fall back together in the next few days after Harry sits next to him at lunch and offers him half his bag of baked chips. Louis decides it's a start of an apology, so it'll work for now.

 

They slowly build up their friendship in front of people to the point where Harry will touch his bicep unnecessarily before he goes off to his classes, instead of just running off like a scared little boy with a big crush. They sit together during study hall again too, and it's going fine. It really is.

 

Except for Jennifer being all over him even more than she was before.

 

Louis doesn't hate her because he doesn't know her, but if you asked him on a scale of 1 to 10 just how much he hates her, he'd say she was the Satan to his Jesus or something because that girl literally messes up _all_ his shit.

 

She partners up with him in the only class the six of them all share, which is English, and then she spends lots of time with him outside of school too. Louis is starting to worry again, but Harry tells him it's fine that it's _just us, babe_ and Louis believes it because he always does. He feels like he's going to die, but then the word “prom” starts to float around a bit more and Louis swears he sees it and hears it from the twenty feet of space between them as they sit in the auditorium for a senior meeting.

 

“She's going to coax him into taking him to prom,” Louis hisses under his breath to Niall, who rolls his eyes and glances over at Liam who just shakes his head and runs his hand over his face.

 

“You're an idiot,” Niall mumbles and shake his head as well before taking a drink out of the Gatorade in his bottle.

 

“Li-uumm!”

 

“Shut up, Louis. He's absolutely crazy about you.”

 

“Lies. Such lies,” Louis mumbles and shakes his head, prompting Liam to just stare at him.

 

“You wouldn't know love if it smacked you in the face, Louis, so I suggest you shut up.”

 

Louis shuts up after that.

 

*****

 

The next day, Louis realizes that he apparently _doesn't_ know love because of what happens in English.

 

“Jennifer Akerman...” He lets her name slip off his lips easily and she comes up to collect her graded essay. “Liam Payne...” All Liam has to do is reach over and pluck it from his hands. Louis is sitting right in front of him and he knows that all he'll have to do is look down because Mr. Hanson always puts it right in front of him.

 

Except he doesn't.

 

He goes through all of the class except for two papers.

 

Mr. Hanson looks over to Harry and hands him one of them, “Mr. Styles,” he nods his head and then returns to his spot in front of Louis, looking just about as confused as a baby coming in contact with his mother's long hair.

 

“Um....Louis Styles?” He raises an eyebrow and shows the paper to him, turning it around. As clear as day, there that five letter word is right after Louis' first name. The room erupts into laughter and if he hears the f-word get thrown around somewhere behind him, he doesn't want to acknowledge it. He snatches it out of his hands and runs out of the room. No one even tries to stop him.

 

*****

 

Harry ignores him for a few days. They're fine again after three more.

 

*****

 

He's not sure how to bring it up because the pit otherwise known as his stomach makes it feel like if he utters the words “what are you doing for prom?” he will just die. _Die._ It's ridiculous, but he doesn't ask about it. He's terrified. If Harry doesn't want to be with him for one of the biggest days of their high school years, he may just cry himself to sleep until he's 30 and just dies of loneliness.

 

He doesn't ask Harry.

 

Dying of loneliness doesn't sound too bad, after all.

 

*****

 

Louis doesn't know what happened, but Harry shows up and kisses him roughly. It's not as if they've never kissed like this before, but he knows what this kind of kiss asks for. It's the kind that asks for just love and hope and passion. He's never wanted to give anything Harry less, so he sucks the boy's tongue into his mouth and they end up pressed together on the bed.

 

Harry has his hands up Louis' shirt, on the soft skin of his belly, muttering against his neck, “Please, baby, I need to fuck you.” The last time this happened didn't end well for Louis because the last time people thought he hadn't asked.

 

“U-um...” He bites at his lip, unsure of what to say. Harry captures his lips in another soul sucking kiss and Louis can't help but whine into it, rocking his hips up into Harry's slimmers ones. He pulls himself away from the boy just long enough to reach for the bedside table, pulling out a condom and his lube that Harry used the last time they fooled around. He looks up at Harry and is met with the most beautiful, gorgeous smile and green eyes clouded over with lust.

 

Harry is meticulous with taking off his clothes. After each piece of clothing, he thoroughly sucks and licks and nips at the newly exposed skin skin then smooths it over with his tongue and touches it sweetly with his fingertips then his hands fall to Louis' sides and rub at them on default. Louis is a mess underneath him, bucking up and rocking his hips for friction because he doesn't know if he'll last with Harry on top of him like this.

 

Louis finally has enough when Harry has his lips sucked around one of his hip bones. He growls, pulling Harry away by a few curls, which elicits the most delicious moan from Harry's spit-slicked lips. “Need you to finger me now,” he demands, letting go of Harry to grab the lube and forcefully puts it into the hand that isn't holding Harry up. He nods in response and gets three of his fingers coated with it. Louis is so glad his briefs are off because he wants this to happen as soon as it can.

 

It starts with one finger and Louis' wiggling his hips for more after a few seconds. At two, Louis is grunting and rocking his hips and pulling at Harry's hair, earning a few kisses on his tummy. Harry doesn't get a chance to add a third because he looks up and says, “Are you ready, angel?”

 

Louis could just about come right then and there because Harry looks so innocent, but he doesn't. He just gasps and nods his head, letting his head fall back as Harry puts the condom on. Louis watches him, biting at his lip as Harry's fingers slide over his length to add more lubricant to the outside of the condom.

 

He carefully positions himself and keeps a hand around himself, looking up at Louis with hooded eyes. “Ready?” Louis has never been more ready, just nods and lets Harry do what he wants.

 

This may be Louis' third time, but it's the best. Harry slides in halfway and nearly hisses in pleasure, looking up at Louis unsure. Louis nods his head, knowing he can handle Harry's length and girth. The thrusts start slow and end that way too, each one deep and carefully thought out so as to hit Louis' sweet spot perfectly every time. Harry and Louis are both very vocal about the sensations going through them.

 

“Fuck, Lou, so pretty and tight.” “So sexy and big, Harry. Can't believe we're finally doing this.”

 

Louis decides, right as Harry hits his prostate again, that he's had enough and he needs to _come._ He moves his legs and wraps them around Harry's hips, squeezing his thighs around him and pulling him closer until Harry is growling in his ear and rocking his hips, balls-deep in Louis' heat.

 

“Fucking finally, Harry. God...” Louis pants out, rolling his little hips against Harry until he finally reaches his climax, leaving stripes of white across his stomach.

 

Harry doesn't take long to come after that, pushing all the way inside Louis once more and resting his head on Louis' shoulder. He lifts his head up lazily and manages to mumble between pants, “You're so gorgeous, Lou. So gorgeous and sweet and cute.”

 

Louis feels his cheeks hit up like they usually do when Harry compliments him, but it feels different this time. Harry has this gleam in his eye that lets Louis know that he wants to say more, but he can't. Louis feels his breath hitch because he knows he isn't that lucky to have one of the most popular boys in his class fall for him. He isn't lucky enough to have _Harry Styles_ and he isn't lucky enough to find someone who really wants him forever.

 

“You're just the best,” Harry finally says and nuzzles his face into Louis' neck and Louis grabs his chin, pulling him up and into a slow, sweet kiss. It's the least he can do.

 

*****

 

After their first time together, things just feel different. It's not good or bad. It's just new. Louis feels like he has a permanent hole at the bottom of his stomach every time he looks at Harry. He feels nauseous because he _knows_ this won't last. He knows that Harry can't come out. He knows Harry couldn't do it because his father would murder him. He also knows that Harry won't ever love him the right way if they can't be out.

 

Hiding your love for someone is no way to live and he feels like he's already been doing it, but he hasn't. He's been with Harry since September and it's been great, but he feels like he's suffocating. If he doesn't leave Harry now, Harry will feel obligated to stay with him and he doesn't want that.

 

*****

 

Louis is a huge douchebag and breaks up with Harry the week before prom. The Saturday before prom, to be more specific. He feels like shit for it, but it had to be done.

 

He had walked to Harry's house at about 4 in the afternoon, knocking on the door. He hoped the disgusted look on his own face showed that he hated what he was about to do, but Harry seemed oblivious.

 

“Hey, Lou!” He pulled Louis in by one hand and closed the door with the other, pressing him against the back of the door with a sweet kiss. Louis felt his stomach in his throat suddenly, taking a painful breath.

 

Louis obviously didn't want to be a total douche, so he didn't go for the whole “we need to talk” speech. He cut to the chase, “Harry, I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry, I just can't. You're not going to come out and I can't...Haz, I can't.”

 

Harry had stepped back from him almost instantly, all touching ceasing in a single instant. He looked like he'd just been hit in the stomach with a football; pained, entirely unprepared. “W-What? But Louis, I...”

 

“I can't, Harry. I really fucking can't do this. I'm so sorry. I know it's a week before prom, but you haven't asked me and I was too much of a fucking chicken shit to ask you myself, and I know we wouldn't be able to dance or anything. I'm so _so_ sorry, Haz. I swear, I mean it. But I can't...”

 

Needless to say, things change after that.

 

Louis eats with Liam and Niall; Zayn and Harry go sit at the table full of soccer players. Jennifer sits on Harry's lap and Louis sees them kiss a few times, or at least he _thinks_ he does.

 

Louis is a mess, honestly, and Liam is there to pick up the pieces just as he'd hoped he wouldn't have to.

 

*****

 

Prom sucks. High school also sucks, but primarily, Louis is sure that prom is the reason why his cousins all do online schooling, apart from the bullying that they've heard Louis was exposed to for his sexuality and that stupid boy who _of course_ acted like he hadn't been begging Louis for sex.

 

Louis doesn't like to talk about that. He doesn't like to acknowledge the fact that people thought he'd ever do _that_ to someone. It makes him almost as sick as seeing Harry in his fucking tux does.

 

He looks beautiful, with a cute little bow tie and his curls all over. He's sitting with Liam and Niall when Zayn comes over (holding onto Harry's fucking wrist and dragging him like he's some kind of lost puppy), his eyes locked on...Liam?

 

“They're gonna play 'She Will Be Loved,' Lou. You should totally dance,” is the only thing to come out of his mouth once he stops in front of them. Harry is looking down at his feet.

 

“Together.” Harry and Louis both look up at the three of them.

 

Louis glances at Harry and they lock eyes for a brief moment before Harry looks away, arms crossed over his chest. “I hate Maroon 5.” He looks back to Louis with some... _look_ that Louis just can't place. Maybe it's because Harry knows that Maroon 5 is only Louis' favorite band to ever exist in the history of the Earth.

 

“Sure,” Louis stands up and brushes off his pants, then fixes his tie. He levels Harry a look that he hopes conveys just how fucking _done_ he is. He just wants to humor their friends and dance because this stupid Missy Elliot song is getting on his nerves. Harry looks thoroughly shocked and slowly nods his head, his lips parted as he leads the way off to the dance floor.

 

Things couldn't be more awkward when they get there and Louis wraps his arms around Harry's shoulders and Harry's hands fall on his waist perfectly. He knows people are staring, can feel it more than see it around them as they spin and Adam Levine goes on about the girl sitting in her car.

 

Harry hears the giggling too. Louis can tell because his head is resting on Harry's chest. Louis knows he hates Maroon 5, but he also can hear Harry humming the melody under his breath and his own breath hitches. He's so insanely in love and he's so _stupid_ but he can't take this back. He can't tell Harry he's sorry and kiss him because that'd be ridiculously stupid and Harry would absolutely hate him for it.

 

The song ends sooner than Louis wants it to and Harry pulls away almost instantly, giving him the worst look over, even worse than the _you-just-broke-up-with-me-and-I'm-going-to-die_ look that he got the week before and then he's off to find Jennifer.

 

Within 20 minutes, Jennifer nearly has her hands on the floor and Harry is pushing his hips effortlessly into her ass, grinding with her ridiculously.

 

Louis grabs Liam's arm and runs off to the bathroom, sitting down in the handicap stall. Liam instantly knows what to do. He sits next to Louis and pulls the small boy in his lap. He lets Louis cry into his shoulder and get snot all over his expensive rental jacket because Louis was his first and Louis will always be his, even if it's not what he wants.

 

Zayn and Niall end up joining them with their four plates of dinner from before in both hands, leaving the stall door open so any boy that needs to relieve himself gets a good shot of t”he gay sob story of the day” (Louis' words). They all sit in an odd triangle shape with Louis on Liam's lap, Liam actually eating and Louis picking at his food.

 

The door opens about five minutes later and Louis starts crying because all he sees is a flash of curls before his head hits Liam's shoulder again. Liam starts rubbing his back and all three of their eyes instantly turn to Harry.

 

“Um, is everything alright in here? Are you okay, Louis?” He cranes his head to look at Louis face where it's hidden in Liam's neck, but Louis isn't stupid. He raises his fists up and wipes his tears away, then sits up and turns a bit in Liam's lap.

 

“I'm fine, Harry. You can go back to Jennifer. I'm sure her ass is just dying for your cock,” Louis says, staring at Harry's thigh right across from him.

 

Zayn and Niall instantly turn their heads down and keep eating and Liam just stares at Louis, letting a nearly-silent disappointed sigh come from his lips.

 

Harry nods his head slowly, not sure what else to say. He looks down at the floor tiles of this stupid, dumb hotel and looks back up to meet Louis' eyes. “Right. I should go.”

 

“Yeah, you should,” his voice is soft but it's only because Liam pulls his head back into his neck for safe keeping as Harry turns around. He feels like he may just die, but he knows that he won't. Liam won't let him.

 

*****

 

Louis stays at Liam's that night and grinds up against his leg, asking him to _please, please never leave_. Liam lets him, but he pulls Louis off of him and over to his own side of the bed.

 

“You'll never fall in love with me, Louis. He got you good and he got you bad, too. I'm sorry, but I can't fix everything anymore.”

 

Louis just nods because he knows that it's true and he cries again and again. He doesn't stop, even after graduation, which his mother forces him to go to only to sit three seats away from Harry and try to keep himself from crying yet again.

 

*****

 

College sucks just as badly as prom and high school put together. Yeah, _that_ bad.

 

*****

 

It's not that he hates his job, it's just that being a drama teacher in Denver is not as exciting as Louis thought it'd be. He appreciates that last year he did such a good job that he just got an award for encouraging creativity at his high school, but he also hates it. (It's basically a fucking metal with a purple tie; he didn't do great in the military and he finds it a bit irritating that it looks like he did.)

 

He hates that he's working at the same school he fell for Harry in and he hates that his quiff doesn't look good in this lighting. He hates that he has to sit at a table full of people he doesn't recognize from the backs of their heads, at least not _really._ He's sitting down when his hip bumps the chair next to him.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles to the guy next to him, scooting his chair in carefully once he gets his gigantic butt into it.

 

“Louis?” His voice still sounds rough like sandpaper and smooth like tea at the same time.

 

“Harry?” Louis looks up and locks eyes with Harry, green meeting blue for the first time in such a long time.

 

He nods, his green eyes are sparkling and he looks like he's just been on a fucking beach in Hawaii, his skin is glowing and his smile is breathtakingly contrasting to his perfect skin tone. “Yeah. I'm here with Jennifer. You remember her, right?”

 

Louis feels his breath hitch a bit because _oh._ She leans across Harry to shake his hand, a warm smile on her face. “Nice to see you again, Louis.” He nods and looks back to Harry.

 

“It's been such a long time. How are you? You look...great!” Harry beams at him like the sun is shining out of his fucking ass or something. Louis' heart is speeding up because he misses the way Harry always looks like the sun is shining out of his ass.

 

Louis doesn't want to look at him, but he can't keep his eyes off of him as he answers. He wants to kiss him and touch him and love him all over again. His heart has never hurt this much. “I'm doing fine. You look great too. I just got an award for teaching.” He's not bragging, it just seems like it, but Harry doesn't care. He's beaming and he looks so fucking excited, so happy for _him,_ for Louis fucking Tomlinson.

 

“You're a teacher now?! You wanted to be a teacher so badly. You must be so happy!” Louis nods his head weakly because, yeah, he must be. That's what they all think and say and his psychiatrist seems to think that saying that will make him feel better about his fucked up love life, but it doesn't. It just makes his eyes sting thinking about it.

 

He shrugs his shoulders, manages a bashful smile, and says, “Yeah. I'm happy.” It's an awful lie, but Harry doesn't seem to notice. He seems distracted. The lights dim and the ceremony is about to officially start. Except Harry isn't looking around or at the stage; he turns to Louis.

 

“Do you wanna get out of here and catch up?” Louis is sure his eyes pop out of his fucking head because this sure as hell is not his life. Louis Tomlinson eats Lucky Charms in his plaid pajama bottoms and no shirt in front of his television, watching reruns of Property Brothers, Friends, and The Bachelor. Louis Tomlinson does _not_ flee an award ceremony he's being honored at with his award in his pocket and Harry Styles attached to his hand, leading him through people getting to their seats and tables.

 

Except he does.


End file.
